Ben Drake West Ryde, NSW, Australia
Fear has been where have needed to work a lot over the years, walking away from those old fears and habits which have held my own life for so long now. The fears which have been placed within my own heart and soul over the years. From those fears of having a STD owing to be an asthmatic and listening to fellow students growing up. Fears of losing friends and those who loved the most from losing grandparents and best friends who meant the world to me and being unable to fully understand. Being too scared to talk owing to fearing a person's reaction and feeling unheard or that would just be spoken over. It all just shut that Ben down.
For many years was following the fears of ill health from those who had their own fears was projected onto myself and became part of own life. The guy who loved amusement parks and the rides became too scared of going on the rides owing to fear of making health worse. Guess what that did, well it made it happen. It was just the same the fear of being my own dad pushed that love away and stopped me from having those kids which really wanted to have over the years.
It became a part of life living in fear constantly. Constantly being scared of some area, it may have been being scared of being hit or beaten or of dad's reaction to what had just happened. Even when you would hear someone screaming at You to shut up owing to having a disagreement with another and they just wanted to sleep.
Over the years it all stopped that Ben from being able to be himself and doing what wanted as he just wanted everyone to be happy. Living his own life in fear owing to their reaction, the time came to stop these reactions many years ago walking away from those comments and saying "This is my life and this what I am choosing to do with it. It doesn't matter what Your input is on the subject to the naysayers." Yes my amazing wife's input does matter on subjects and that of the wonderful mentors and friends who support those goals and dreams to build that amazing home, to foster and adopt those kids. Giving them a better life.
I am choosing to let go of that fear of being my own dad as Jenny has said many times You are Not Your dad. A truth that we are so different and I am different from those who placed those fears in own life, its time to own my life and stop living in fear.
Thanks to my amazing wonderful friends and mentoring for free family, especially Ken Klemm and Linda and Michael Dlouhy for Your ongoing guidnece love and support. Your constant encourment to be the best husband, father and Ben can be. Thanks to my amazing wonderful, loving supportive wife jenny for Your own ongoing support and encourmagement.
Your friend for life,
West Ryde NSW Australia
Ps it is ok Ben to be unable to spell words correctly also. Its who You are You are safe from those who want to constantly correct You on Your spelling.