Evelyn Kyle Southfield, Michigan, United States
I have experienced all of these fears…some more than others but the one that stands out the most is the fear of criticism. My mother was very critical of me as a child. I was constantly spoken to negatively and when it comes from your mother , it is just that much more painful. My self esteem is extremely low even to this day. I am very self conscious.
I am also very thin so I have always been very self conscious of my appearance. People have always told me that I am too skinny and this has had a negative impact on my self esteem. I never wear dresses or shorts because I am just way too self conscious because of my thin appearance.
I really believe that my mother and father could have helped me with this had they built up my confidence when I was young instead of tearing it down. It was not my father as much as my mother but his lack of affection was just as hard on me.
I find it hard to form deep relationships with people especially men. I always feel that I am going to be criticized in some way so I just do not open myself up. If no one gets to know me, then at least they can not hurt me. It is rather strange because I am very friendly but extremely distant. I only let people get so close. I grew up all alone with no affection or attention with a mother who was telling me that I was way too skinny which I have heard all my life from everybody else since then.
I realize that it is not what other people think of me but it is what I think of myself that is most important. Is it possible that my own thoughts have translated into the physical? This chapter taught me that the only thing I have control over is my own thoughts which is so powerful.
If everything is created from thoughts, then I can create a better perception of myself and I am going to start today. I am going to combat the fear of criticism by reaching a decision to not worry about what other people think do or say about me. I know that you can be the best person in the world and people are still going to say something about you because that is what people do.
The truth is that I am the perfect size according to my medical doctor but this world has made me very self conscious because of its idea of what the perfect woman should look like. I accept people just as they are why can’t they accept me. When I see someone who is overweight, I do not tell them they are fat so what gives people the right to think they can call me skinny.
So I am going to do like this chapter says and not worry about it because nothing which life has to offer is worth the price of worry. Today I am going to be more peaceful, more poised and more calm and I know this will bring me happiness, FINALLY.
Thank Michael for this lesson.