Ben Drake West Ryde, NSW, Australia
Fear has run my life for many years, growing up there was always fear present from parents who had their own fears which were projected onto myself. These days one of the biggest fears personally happens to be with my own father. Fearing his reaction and how he will act at a given time also the fear of becoming like my own father, a trait which learnt from childhood and needs to stop personally.
Over many years the fear of meeting my own fathers needs in fear of his own reaction has kept me back from being myself. Fear has stopped me in my own tracks expressing myself or talking up as would hear dad screaming when would attempt to express what believed in and it got into a fight with my sister. You would hear My father saying “shut up” and then My sister gloating that was right. Fear in its self stopped in tracks, it’s the same fear that has filtered through out my family growing up. When was Young hearing mum say we are going to cross here just to keep Your father happy. Its stopped creativity in its own tracks.
Its time to stop letting that reaction from my own father run my life. A fear that has often played out when had to approach him about any area. As growing up there were many times when can remember us running at each other down the hallway in the middle of a fight. Being too scared to talk in a conselling sessions with the family around owing to feeling that I was unable to express what was going on as felt would be spoken over. Feeling too scared to talk at all owing to someone’s reaction. Too scared to talk at all.
For many years those fears projected from those parents kept running my own life. The fear of having no money that lead to the spending of the sale of the former home on all new items which lead to a later phone call saying “I want my money”. The money completely spent owing to that old fear on money and they live by that still today.
Its time to stop letting those remarks, criticisms, to stop letting those old learned habits go and to stop taking on those comments. Its time to live my own life rather than listening to the medical community defining me as having personality disorder or learned habits that need work . ? . At the same time switching off when fears start talk from those within my own life. Many of own friends are those who have worked to overcome some for of fear of their own, the loss of love. A breakdown of a relationship and then finding the love they truly desired.
One of My own relationships broke down owing to trust issues and fears which started to be expressed. The person knew of the desire to have my own family and failed to tell about their inablility to have more kids owing to their health as they feared losing me. In the end it cost the friendship. Growing up you’d see many fears and being unable to recognise what they were You just took as part of life. So that’s how lived life until started getting better educated on a better life, for many years having been working on conquering those fears.
Some have been silly owing listening to the false advice from those growing up with that stopped within My own tracks for many years. These days I am learning to speak up more and say look this is unacceptable. Learning to conquer those fears and be who I am that guy who is out there as a husband and father having worked to give his family the life they have now. Having worked on his health despite having destructive influences around in that aspect that had to even say he’d cook his own meals instead of eating what was made for everyone else. To stop listening to those who object to my own decisions by using an excuse like “I don't do healthy” when cooking for someone who is eating healthy foods.
It takes a lot to overcome those fears and walk away, to stop listening when a parent keeps repeating that same fear over and over again replaying it in their own lives. It has taken a lot to realize Yes I am physically safe and that I am able to do something if anyone every physically hurt me. Even when its been what knew growing up. It takes a lot of guts and fear to walk into a room and say hey I am Ben and I am here because of this. It takes a lot of guts to be one of few dads who turn up at parents group continually or attend a group which has mostly women around.
It takes alot of courage to walk away from family values saying this is who I am as a person. You have the choice either like my own choice and decision or You can leave. It takes alot of courage to change Your health infront of a family who needs to change their habbits. In the end its overcomming fears on its own. It takes alot to say our self talk in public even when You hear people having a go at You for saying self talk. Its fear attempting to win You over.
Thank you to my amazing wonderful friends and mentors Ken Klemm and Linda and Michael Dlouhy for teaching me to overcome fear and to learn to live the life my own dreams. Thank you very much for Your ongoing love, caring, friendship and being there helping us all. Thank you to my amazing wonderful wife Jenny for Your own ongoing love, support and encouragement its really appreciated. Your friend for life, big hugs to all.
West Ryde Nsw Australia
Ps by this time next year I will be a stay at home parent, looking really good at my friends wedding in April 18 and driving my dream car. It will take overcomming more fears to change and be that guy and its time. So what will Your life look like this time next year, the same or different?