Dawn Meyers Mullica Hill, NJ, United States
What a Lesson to talk about. It was a long Lesson too. I liked seeing Michaels Lesson here because it helped me understand.
I may lack this energy of sex and yes in our society it is made to be a bad word and I may not be allowed to post this lesson on certain platforms because the word sex has been made to be a bad word.
I know that it is supposed to be a beautiful word when combined with Love and Romance. Since we all talk about what stops us from being successful I will say that this is one could be one of them.
Although I have been married for just about 21 years now and have 2 children the word for me is a chore. That's what my husband tells me anyway. I always say there are much more productive things I could be doing.
This is not my fault. It is the fault of others that used the desire for sex to take advantage of someone. Instead of transmuting it for the better of themselves.
I was a little girl and then a teen who learned to hate the word sex. And not because of what others thought of the word. But because I knew it was always coming for me somehow. I was taken advantage of by my own stepfather and my mother and grandmother did nothing but accept an apology and a promise that it would not happen again. It did happen again, God took him away for that. Left my family in financial stress. This is the reason why he was never thrown out of the family. Money. Money drove my mom and still does. She doesn't have much of it but a stable home and extra money to enjoy some vacations were what made and still makes her happy.
Anywhere I went or anyone I met there was someone in the crowd interested in taking advantage of innocence. I am not sure if I should be writing about this but I believe that this could help me. It is so hush hush in my family and is never brought up. But the desire for sex is not in me.
I, however, have been with the same man for a really long time and proud that I have only been married once and proud of the strength of our relationship. My thing is that I did the sex thing because I had to. Not because I wanted to. My husband has to make sure that he is doing what all men do to get what he wants. He will even do things that he usually doesn't like fix something in the house that hasn't worked for awhile. He will get up and clean, he will buy me something fun or take me somewhere to do something that makes me have fun. So when this happens I know what is coming next. I just don't know how to like sex.
Like I said I am sorry if this is not the place to write this but like I said it may help me or maybe someone else. I was going to write a book on my experiences but did not want to drag the family into it. Like I said it is never brought up.
I was told in therapy that it made me feel like I was not worthy of real love. Not from a man but from my own family and it blocks me from the actual love that comes from it.
I know my husband loves me because he is still here working hard to raise his family and care for his wife. I just can't understand why he is to suffer from the action of others.
Perhaps this could be one thing keeping me from being successful. I am missing a key part of life and never knew I needed it.
It is funny how much has changed from the day's man would bring home what was needed to survive to material riches like fancy cars and jewelry drive most women now.
I don't really know how to fix this and blocking it out does not work. Or maybe I have already transmuted my desire to something else.
Thanks for reading this and hope it didn't disturb you. Michael's lesson on this was very positive and I can't wait to read everyone else's.
I look forward to hearing the calls on this. Michael always has a way of making things seem so effortless. Maybe it will help me understand what I should be doing to use this sense to my betterment.
Thanks to all of you that make me look forward to reading your lessons. Thanks to all of you that show up and make it all worth it.
Dawn Meyers Mullica Hill New Jersey
My Little Corner Of The World